Positive Intelligence, Positive Psychology

When will I be Happy?

Erin Baldecchi

In the first weeks of empty nesting, I’ve been surprised. The time I thought I would savor feels more like emptiness and boredom. And it’s brought me face-to-face with a big question: When will I be happy?

The answer, I’ve realized, is simple: now or never.

Most of us live with an “I’ll be happy when…” script running in the background:

  • I’ll be happy when my kids are more independent.
  • I’ll be happy when they call me more (or come home to visit).
  • I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds, make $100K, run the marathon, find the relationship, or finally get that dream house.

But here’s the truth: when we tie our happiness to something outside of this moment, it becomes a moving target. We chase it endlessly. And even when we finally “get” the thing, the joy is fleeting. Psychologists call this the hedonic treadmill—our tendency to adapt quickly and move the goalposts for what we think will make us happy.

So where do we find the kind of happiness that lasts?

The answer is presence.

In presence, there is joy.
In presence, there is clarity.
In presence, there are no problems—just the moment you’re actually living.

And here’s where language matters. Happiness, joy, and even eudaimonia (living a good life) aren’t quite the same thing. My favorite definition of joy is this:

A deep, internal state of well-being that isn’t dependent on circumstances. It’s a gladness of the soul that can sustain you—even in hard times—because it’s grounded in meaning, purpose, and connection.

That’s the kind of joy presence makes possible.

And it’s not out of reach. You can start small:

  • Stack joy into your habits. When your feet first hit the floor in the morning, when you sip your coffee, when the warm shower water hits your skin—pause and be fully there.
  • Set reminders. A couple times a day, let your phone nudge you into presence: notice your breath or tune in to your senses.
  • Read a little inspiration. Thich Nhat Hanh’s How To books are perfect bite-sized reminders.
  • Catch yourself. When you notice you’re lost in thought, gently redirect yourself to now.

The more you practice, the more presence becomes your default. And when presence is your operating system, joy is always accessible.

Start today. Choose joy, right here in this moment.

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Published by Erin Baldecchi

I have been in education for more than 20 years as a teacher, administrator, facilitator of professional development for schools, wife of a head of school, and parent. Surrounded by people, deeply enmeshed in a community, I've spent my entire career studying happiness without even knowing it. Then one day I noticed. I discovered the science of happiness through Positive Psychology, and I found my passion. I received my Certificate of Applied Positive Psychology from The Flourishing Center in New York, NY, and I am currently becoming a certified life coach. My passion is to introduce Positive Psychology to communities and schools and to help implement practical tools into individual lives and classrooms. Positive Psychology can impact the very individuals responsible for raising compassionate, engaged, achieving, and resilient kids. There is something for everyone in this science of happiness, and teaching it gives me great happiness too.

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