I’ve been thinking a lot about community lately. My husband is big on it. He’s the head of a school, and schools are incredible communities — families, teachers, and administrators working together for the good of the students. He’s also been deeply involved in our church vestry, another community built on shared purpose and mutual care. And he grew up in a tight-knit community on the Severn River in Maryland — one sustained by joint effort and a deep love of place.
I, on the other hand, am more of a loner. I wouldn’t have said that about myself when I was younger, but as I get older, I notice how much I rely on a smaller and smaller circle for support. Lately, I’ve realized that I need community more than I thought — that in this world of division and fear, we all need community more than ever.
In his book Fear, Thich Nhat Hanh writes:
“Community building is the most important action of our century. As individuals, we have suffered tremendously. Due to the predominance of individualism, families are breaking down, and society has become deeply divided. For the twenty-first century to be a time of spirituality, the spirit of togetherness must guide us… We need each other in order to practice solidity, freedom, and compassion so that we can remind each other that there’s always hope.”
In our current climate, those words feel more urgent than ever. The world is overrun with fear. There are real reasons to feel unsafe. But, as Thich Nhat Hanh says, “If we want safety, we have to build it.”
We can’t build safety with weapons or walls. We build it through presence — with ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities. We build it through deep listening. Because right now, we’ve forgotten how to truly hear one another.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. understood the power of community — his vision began with the beloved community.
So how do we create strong, supportive, and safe communities?
How do we ensure that our schools, churches, and neighborhoods are inclusive spaces for all?
How do we, together, dissolve separation and fear, and replace them with understanding and unity?
It begins with communication — with deep listening.
Listening not to fix or defend, but to understand.
Listening to ourselves first.
Listening to others as we wish to be listened to.
Reaching out, connecting, and allowing others to surprise us, soften us, and open our hearts.
This is how we begin to build community — from the ground up.
It starts with you.
How can you listen better?
Who in your life needs your full attention?
Where might you mend fences or repair broken connections?
What role do you want community to play in your life?
To be open to others — to listen deeply and be truly present — we must first face our own inner saboteurs.
Mine are the Avoider (avoiding community, confrontation, and discomfort), the Pleaser (putting others’ needs first), and the Victim (asking, “Why is this happening to me?”).
Learning to be present — to notice my thoughts and step out of old patterns — has helped me quiet these saboteurs and build something better. I’m learning, day by day, to inhabit my life more fully, engage more completely, and connect more deeply.
If you’re interested in doing the same, I invite you to take the Saboteur Assessment. It’s an eye-opening first step toward understanding what’s holding you back from the connection and community you need.
Erin Baldecchi Positive Psychology 